Sunday, July 17, 2016

Blogger awarded key to village targeted by Nestlé at Amish Comic F***fest

How many times can you say "fuck" in 2 hours?  I don't know, but I do believe the Amish Comic has that statistic somewhere in his day-timer.  Last night, the village of Kunkletown hosted an event that was designed as a fundraiser in the ongoing battle to kick Nestle's ass out of town.  This turned into an opportunity for attendees to enthusiastically trip the light fantastic, however, since Nestle gave into having its "no zone" pounded back on June 8.

The beer was flowing fast and furious, served up by Kunkletown Fire Complany staff in cups and pitchers and anything else that would hold a liquid.  The fire hall was filled to the brim with residents from multiple municipalities who came to enjoy the festivities.  The first hour of the comic's show was generally enjoyed by this participant (generously given a complimentary ticket by the event's organizer).  However, at this point it became a bit tedious to remain focused, and the apparent highlight of the evening - the two ends of the fire hall competing to see who could yell "FUCK" the loudest, signaled that the Amish Comic had jumped the shark for this audience member.  Each to his own - most all of the Kunkletonians were still engaged and enjoyed the successful show to the end.

Following the Amish Comic's performance, a short presentation was done to recognize those who worked so hard clandestinely in the early days (pre-Nestle Application in December 2015), to design an offense against the unwelcome intruder and threat to the very life-giving and sustaining assets of Kunkletown.  These efforts consisted of one person doing the lion's share of document collection beginning in March 2015, and others creating a community group and holding meetings of concerned citizens to identify a strategy and design an implementation plan.  These efforts gelled in November 2015, when an unnamed property owner identified legal case law that provided the template for the court appeal that sealed Nestle's fate.  That appeal was filed on December 17, and Nestle's half-assed application was filed on December 29 - the concerned citizens beat Nestle to the starting gate - which is quite an accomplishment and is something for which those involved richly deserve credit.  It would be a disservice to attempt to name names here, as any list would be incomplete, and some of the key players are believed to prefer to fade quietly into the background as this painful chapter in Kunkletown and Eldred Township history comes to a close, and the possibility of an epilogue emerges.

Would-be blogger wins Major Award in West End of Monroe County
(One hit wonder)

This blogger was then recognized for his efforts on this journey, in which as a non-resident he was presented with the Key to Kunkletown.  Now, there is no proclamation attached signed by the Township Supervisors, so I can't vouch for its authenticity or what it entitles the holder.  Maybe it is really the "Key to Kunkletown".  What does it open - an outhouse, the back door to the K-Town Pub, {gasp from Helen} the Post Office?  With my luck, it fits a lock on the Old Mill.

The mother of community activist Donna Deihl (who helped organize this event), got jiggy with it and cut a serious rug on the dance floor once the music began following the issuance of this Major Award.  If anyone got in her way, they would have been quickly trampled.  Kudos to you maam, for showing everyone how it's done.

With all sincerity, I am deeply honored to receive this award - you can't "become" a local in Kunkletown - you have to have lived there like 60 or 70 years or you're an undocumented immigrant.  For the citizens to have welcomed me unconditionally and opened their hearts and doors to me - it is heartwarming.  The song below is one I rediscovered recently, and one that expresses a few of my thoughts and emotions that have been stirred in me in looking back over the past 6 months of activities in Kunkletown.  For you to relate, you'll have to read the remarks below that I drafted in the event that there was a chance to speak last night.  You also have to imagine the town having a female gender - you know, like a ship.  It's a damned fine performance regardless of what symbolism I found in the lyrics.

The "Nestle Experience" has shaken the foundation of Eldred Township's community and its government.  This blogger has the unique but embarrassing luxury of not having to bear the burden that the residents do - believing that the majority of their government acted in a corrupt manner, which caused the township and its residents to feel a breach of trust and cost and a lot of time and money that was pissed down the hopper.  Also of not bearing the burden to have fund the fight.  Several residents last night expressed privately that they are in favor of an investigation and/or legal action in pursuit of the ends of justice.  There is latent bitterness when this subject is broached.

The words below are personal and attempt to express as I look in the rear view mirror why I believe I developed a bond with Kunkletown, and what this experience has meant to me.  Please know that I understand that you may be feeling that this is not over and won't be for an indeterminate duration.  Zoning battles often divide a community in one way or another, and this one has the infected and oozing wounds of wholesale corrupt activities.  My wish is that you heal and be well, in whatever way works for you, and that you are able to write your epilogues and put this episode in the past as quickly as possible.  God bless the citizens of Kunkletown and Eldred Township.