Gross misrepresentation of fact and and deceit in latest Synagro land development update for crap bakery in Plainfield Township

On August 15, 2018, EarthRes engineer David Allen, P.E. submitted an update to Synagro/Waste Management’s application to site a biosolids processing plant in Plainfield Township.  This was the deadline for new materials to be reviewed at the September 6, 2018 Planning Commission review - they slipped this baby in the door at the last moment the way all Applicants do who don’t want a municipality to find the deficiencies in their application. And that is the case here, as we shall see.  "P.E." stands for professional engineer, but as we will also see, it could also stand for "professional evader".

Holy shit Batman, that must be awesome because it's so big - Powww!!!

Just look at the girth - an inexperienced 19 year old lass might blush, and any man would be happy to have a package the length of the thickness of this one.  No expense is being spared in an attempt to shove this pile of shit through approval.

The cover sheet shows what the package contents are, but we will focus on materials related to the two zoning variances that Synagro’s plant requires - which Synagro has been trying for over a year to avoid discussing or admitting.  The first is an open space buffer adjacent to water bodies, and the second is separate entrances and exits at least 30’ wide are required specifically for crap bakeries.  As we shall see, they expelled some foul odorous flak out their ass in the latest attempt to distract from the reality these variances are indeed needed.  There is a reason for this - they can not prove the hardships needed for the variances to be granted.  They are playing a very expensive game of charades, waiting until their plan is shit-canned by the Planning Commission and then the end game of this C-grade movie plays out.

A one inch thick packet in the package is the “Project Performance Review and Compliance Report,” which is laughable.  Their performance sucks, and they don’t comply with the ordinance.  But let’s continue because they are paying their dime for this round of hilarity.

Variance #1 - Sec 27-505 50’ Open Space Buffer adjacent to Water Bodies

The EarthRes Project and Performance Review and Compliance report contains no narrative, only references to sections of the Ordinance, and claims that each requirement is met.  That’s bullshit, but without further ado, here is what is stated in regards to the open space buffer:

Gross misstatement of fact that appears intentional - the exact opposite of this statement is true - less than 0' of open space from the existing sediment basin is proposed and 50' is required

A buffer is needed near “Waterbeds”?  Exposure to sex acts, being pasted with potentially dangerous bodily fluids in the heat of passion?  Come on, David Allen, P. the fucking E. - pull Ye head out of Ye ass.  EarthRes represents the scum of the Earth -engineering the most environmentally destructive projects known to mankind.  David we can barely see you - if you can rise above the surface of the cesspool, maybe one day you can work for a company that isn’t EarthRes.

Let’s give David Allen P.E. the benefit of the doubt and assume he isn’t trying to hide one intentional error by introducing a second one.  Section 505 pertains to water bodies - and he states that the existing sediment basin complies with the 50’ requirement.  Did time and gravity somehow reverse themselves?  Let’s go to the videotape, a site plan updated August 14, 2018 contained in the package received on August 15, 2018:

What the revised plans actually show is a bunch of parking and a driveway in sediment pond #2, and a shit factory less than 25' away.  We see what you did there.

Note that the black dashed line "Proposed Pond Boundary" is obscured.  Now it is a pond?  David!

The parking places are forty-five feet into the existing sedimentation basin, and the proposed plant is a shade under 25’ from the existing basin.  Hello?  David?  We can see your leg and foot hanging out your ass, but where is the rest of you?  That looks REALLY uncomfortable!  How exactly does the existing sediment basin have a 50’ buffer around it, where there is no development?  Uh-oh.  David will have splain’n to do at the meeting on September 6, 2018.  Bring some Handi-Wipes, it will be ugly - in the seat of David’s pants.  It would be pleasantly surprising if just once a representative of EarthRes did something respectable.

The plan above is not stamped by David, so who knows if it is official or some draft he just tossed in.  No problem, because there is another sheet in the plans submitted on August 15 that does have his stamp, and it shows outright deceit on this subject:

Sheet C-03 of the Site Plan, which depicts the portion of Existing Sediment Basin #2 only where it isn't damaging to Synagro's plan.  The existing portion above the blue dashed "Proposed Sediment Basin" line is not shown.  What the hell is your definition of "existing," David Allen P.E.?

Variance #2 Sec 27-316 (2)(II).2  At least 30’ wide dedicated entrance and exits required, along an arterial or collector

At the Juy 16 lPlanning Commission, Synagro did a presentation that introduced the bold idea of adding an entrance and exit to Pen Argyl Road.  Aside from the fact it went over with the audience like the slip of a scalpel at a bris, David Allen P.E. seemed at a loss for words when asked how this new access would actually function.  All flash, no explosion.  More putrid flak - sure to impress the Express Times reporter Synagro invited to the meeting, but no one else.  “Synagro announces mesmerizing bull shit” was the headline the next day.  

In an examination of the August 15 super terrific Land Development Plan update, it is clear that the bold announcement and pretty slides at the July meeting portended a great big fat zero.  Bunkus.  Again, there is no narrative, but there is a Traffic Study and there are Truck Turn exhibits.  The Traffic Study indicates that the new access point to Pen Argyl Road that David Allen, P.E. unveiled in June should be gated and used only for emergencies.  You just could not make this shit up.  Where is the Express Times reporter now?  Writing a story about the next meeting about shit?  Come listen to more shit from David Allen P.E. on Thursday, September 6 - you won’t be disappointed!

Traffic Impact Study on Scribd

I'll take Potpourri for $100, Alex

It's the Video Daily Double!

The truck turn exhibits show a bevy of activity at the western access point - in both directions.  Recall that separate entrances and exits are required, for safe and orderly flow.  This ain’t that.  The updated truck turn exhibits don’t represent any improvement in clarifying the intended operation, nor do they reflect separate entrances and exits to an arterial or collector.  FAIL.  The variance is still required.  Also, the Plainfield Township Recreational Trail would still be used by Synagro for decades - which is not the agreement that Waste Management made with Plainfield Township - the township is to get it back when the landfill closes.  Not 50 years from now.

Here is Synagro's real truck movement plan - whatever is necessary to get that truck full of crap on or off the property:

Why Synagro will not be able to obtain the variances needed

Briefly, in PA, there are 5 criteria to be proven to obtain a variance.  One is that your property can’t be used for a lawful use.  One is there are unique circumstances about your property - shape, slope, that make it so you can’t develop the lot.  But the uniqueness can’t be that you developed your lot without the future in mind, and now you’re screwed yourself.  The property is already being used profitably - to the tune of many millions of dollars a year.  There is nothing unique about the property except it is a garbage dump with little room left.  Tough shit - you built it.  This is fun - let's look at one more variance criteria - health, safety and welfare of the public can't be put at risk.  Yeah David, about that pond...